poison idea - pick your king

Remember where you heard it wrong first! No sooner than we revealed the Fab Four weren't reforming, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr announce they'll be performing together next month.

This really should be one to remember, and a great opportunity for Starr to prove for once and for all that despite what the rest of the band has said in the past, he is the most talented drummer in the BEATLES.

This Drum and Bass performance could prompt other unlikely reunions. The RAMONES would be a classic, with Tommy performing the same bum-tit bum-tit bum-tit drum patterns for 20 minutes. He'd appear as The RAMONE of course.

Talking of Tommy, there's always the WHO. Without Keith Moon and the Ox, they are reduced to an alleged pedo and a fish farmer, but well worth another run out, don't you think?

After the death of skag-partial bass player, Sid Vicious, the SEX PISTOLS could get back together as three fat blokes in their 50s, joined by the idiotic bassist they unceremoniously ditched 30 years earlier. Oh, they did.

Here's a very appropriate record by a very appropriate group of people, POISON IDEA. Sadly, iconic guitarist Pig Champion is no longer with us. Now there's one musician you can't replace.

GERRIT HERE

Starr and McCarthy reunited onstage

is howard devoto punk rock's answer to charles hawtree?

various - rabid/tjm punk singles collection

Sheer punk rock mate. Here's something that epitomises the 1970s - three channels of test cards, pubs shut in the afternoon, Enoch Powel in parliament.

And disenfranchised kids with bags of creativity.

Talking of which, it was good to see MAGAZINE in Manchester this week. HOWARD DEVOTO flitted in and out of a parallel dimension to deliver a fine performance with wild staring eyes and strange, otherworldly gestures - a bit like punk rock's answer to CHARLES HAWTREE.

Crikey, they pulled in a mature crowd too. There was hardly a punter there under 50, except me who's 25. They must have laid on special coaches from Lytham St Annes just for it. The day centres and geriatric wards will have been empty the morning after that gig.

Saw JOHN COOPER CLARKE last Friday too - sheer brilliance. In drainpipe trousers, long tweed jacket, red shades and trademark Bob-Dylan-on-a-really-bad-hair-day bonce, he looked like a missing Doctor Who.

Anyway, here he is along with SLAUGHTER AND THE DOGS, THE NOSEBLEEDS, GYRO, JILTED JOHN, ED BANGER, THE OUT, V2, DISTRACTIONS, FRANTIC ELEVATORS (with the ginger tosser from Simply Red), PATHETIX and VICTIM.

here

fab four reunion scotched

Rumours of a Fab Four reunion were today scotched by the two surviving band members and the families of the half that died. Loyal Fab Four fans were dismayed to hear they will not see the band reunited on stage after more than 40 years.

Pictured left to right below, Lenin, McCarthy and Harrison, together with the dubious talent of Starr (bottom) will not appear together again.

test dept – pax britannica

TIRED of wealthy bankers riding roughshod over the world’s economy? BORED of being told what’s best by public school cliques? ANGRY that you weren’t listened to when you and a million others protested about the Iraq war? SCARED that your rights are being swiped away before your eyes? OUTRAGED when you’re told what’s best for you without consultation?

Well, let me transport you back to the 1980s to a time when, errm, it went on the same as now like.


I get really pissed off hearing students telling me how they like “cheesy 80s music”. For me the 1980s produced the most defiant and experimental counter culture – people pushing back boundaries with the odds really stacked against them. Errm, the same as now like.

TEST DEPT’s Pax Britannica charts the political climate of the 1980s using an uncompromising blend of industrial noise, folk roots and punk rock bile to kick their snarling message out of the door and cheer as it chases the postman of indifference up the street of libertarian politics.

Check out the last track - it really scares me.

HERE

heavy metal hunting spiders

House full of insects? Can’t hear the TV for the buzzing of bluebottles on the wing? Then try our collection of eight Heavy Metal Hunting Spiders. All major species represented.

Simply release then into your home and watch them hunt alone or as a pack. Well, alone really – some of them see the others as lunch.

Heavy Metal Hunting Spiders are ideal for household pests such as bluebottles, woodlice, midges and mosquitoes, gazelles, crocodiles, plants, the gibbon and that bloke upstairs who plays his crap music full blast. Tosser.

WARNING: Some people are very afraid of spiders.

HERE is a song about spiders, not by a heavy metal band, but by the TOY DOLLS!

the enemy - gateway to hell

You’ve got to know who the ENEMY is!

Since when did it become OK or cool to give your band the same name as a classic 1980s punk band?

Imagine the disappointment on Irish Dave’s face when he got his ENEMY CD home only to discover that it wasn’t seminal Derby outfit the ENEMY, but a major label rock band from Coventry. These Glastonbury posers had changed their name to ENEMY UK though, to distinguish themselves from the ENEMY, fronted by QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE frontman, Troy Van Leeuwen!

If it’s OK to hi-jack other band names, where will it stop? What’s the name of Troy’s next side project? KILLING JOKE? The KINKS? KRAFTWERK? KENNY BALL AND HIS JAZZMEN?

Yeah Troy, you go ahead and call your band the ENEMY then, but name one of your amusing side projects KENNY BALL AND HIS JAZZMEN and you're eating hospital food through a straw. If their real fans turn up at a KENNY BALL AND HIS JAZZMEN gigs or buy one of their CDs only to find it’s some major label US rockers on their day off, they’re going to rip you apart sunshine.

Troy: Don’t fuck with KENNY BALL AND HIS JAZZMEN. Gottit!

Meanwhile, here’s the original ENEMY, featuring some real belters such as 50,000 Dead, Fallen Hero and a bonus of Punk’s Alive. N-Joy.

HERE

New Doctor Who named

BBC executives have just named 2000AD editor, Arctic explorer (right), bible belt atheist, Leicester Tigers utility player and artistic director of the Pickle Herring Theatre Company Matt Smith as the new Doctor Who.

Smith got the job as the 11th Doctor, or 12th if you include Peter Cushing in the film like, after running as an outsider.

Not much is known of Smith's previous career, so that’s when Google comes into its own. It's an invaluable tool and I use it unfailingly when I'm unsure about anything I have the slightest doubt about. Never fails to come up trumps and I trust it with my life.

The deity doubting doctor said: “I would often ask, if god wants sheep (which the bible says he does, many times) why didn't he just make us sheep. Why give us the power of free thinking, only to try to stifle it.”

massgrav - this war will be won by meat eaters

My one regret over the Christmas period was that I didn't commandeer a light aircraft with a pilot and spray hoards of shoppers with animal waste. Not for political reasons, just thought it might be fun.

Christmas is a miserable time for us vegans - not because we crave three days on a dried turkey diet, but because we miss all the best double entendres. When was the last time a veggy confessed they spent all morning stuffing a bird, that they planned to have a goose on the table at lunchtime or disclosed whether they were a leg or breast man? I'll cradle my roasting hot chestnuts and try not to think about it.

MASSGRAV play insanely fast and are cynical as fuck. They are an excellent start to the New Year. They say:

"Don't label us as grindcore just because you have a small penis. We play rock 'n' roll!"

HERE

television personalities - my dark places

While we're on the subject of TELEVISION PERSONALITIES, let's revisit My Dark Places. First posted it HERE. Bloody great album. Twisted and truthful throughout, sometimes ugly, often pathetic and always very, very beautiful.

Gerrit HERE

television personalities - do you think if you were beautiful you'd be happy

Didn't know this existed until it jumped up at me in a second hand record shop in bloody America. We all know Daniel Treacy is a genius of Rimbaudian proportions and this EP further proves the bloody obvious. It was recorded in 1995 and released on Vinyl Japan. That's all I know. Probably know too much now. This blog will self destruct in five seconds...

Gerrit HERE

vialka - plus vite que la musique

...After the great diaspora from Leeds cultural enclave 120 RATS, HEADACHE and JE M'EN FOUS guitarist Titi briefly formed a band with Marylise and Eric called NNY (NO NAME YET). As far as I know, this brief sorjourn amounted to a single cassette demo that desperately needs tracking down.

Marylise and Eric went off to trot the globe as turbo folkers VIALKA with baby in tow to-boot. This band plays blimmin everywhere. Everywhere. They draw their influences from just about everywhere too and their music dances around like a crazed gibbon on dexedrine. Chart their progress HERE. Buy their music HERE.

Gerrit HERE

je m'en fous

Second in the West Yorkshire French Connection is Je M'en Fous. This is a bit of a cheat as I posted it a year or so ago HERE. Great to see people are still checking it out. Max and Titi formed JE M'EN FOUS after they escaped the crumbling ruins of 120 RATS (do check out that link - it's hilarious).

Their next incarnation is something of a double act, and they sound a lot more comfortable together than in the edgy HEADACHE. Picture a scene of domestic bliss but after the partners have drunk a gallon of cheap supermarket cider and an entire jug of strong coffee, run round the block a couple of times and punched one another repeatedly in the solar plexis for good measure. Cool. You'll love it.

Gerrit HERE

headache - discography

....And while we're on the subject of West Yorkshire, let's kick off a three-part series on the West Yorkshire French connection. This'll take us from a squatted Post Office in Leeds to a couple of world-touring turbo folkers. How cool is that!

First up is HEADACHE. Guitarist Titi and singer Max together with the one and only Ratus were big into the legendary 120 RATS squat; the scene of many an evening of cheap cider, awkward nights sleep and stumbling around to the craziest sounds in town.

Their discography isn't as much a CD as a book, as it comes with a shedload of scribblings from the tortured genius of drummer Birdy. Highly recommend you track it down HERE. The music is like nothing else - quirked-up punk, eccentric riffs with misanthropic yells. You'll just love it.

Get it HERE

afternoon gentlemen split with khuunt

To conclude the two-part West Yorkshire Bluudy Rocks series, here is seminal Leeds grindcore outfit, THE AFTERNOON GENTLEMEN. This superb recording features trademark tirades against Alcoholics Anonymous, such as Fuck the 12 Step Plan and stirring exaltations on the joys of cheap alcohol, as epitomised in Meths and White String Vest/Spare Change.

They share this recording with KHUUNT who prefer to take things at a much more leisurely pace than their grindcore buddies and trudge through just one track, King Robert. Enjoy.

get it HERE

gruel - live 1 in 12 club

A million miles away from Great Girl-Fronted Bands.... Here's the two-part series, West Yorkshire Bluudy Rocks. First up is some excellent doom laden rock from GRUEL recorded at the legendary 1 in 12 Club in Bradford. With song titles like "Cleansed by Failure" they certainly woo the crowd.

Would pop pickers please note that the exclusive photography is from a gig in some towny pub in Manchester over the summer. By the way, they were the last live band to play that pub. Whatta show. Enjoy.

get it HERE

mambo taxi - do you always dress like that in front of other people's boyfriends?

And while we're still on the subject of Great Girl-Fronted Bands, here's some groovy grrrl pop from the early 1990s. Saw this excellent band with Irish Dave who, as always, made an absolute fool of himself, while I remained the model of composure. They played with the absolutely terrible PRAM, who Dave assures me are still totally atrocious 15 years on.

Get it HERE

gorilla angreb - discography

They came, they rocked, they disappeared suddenly. Part two of Girl-Fronted Bands who Split up Suddenly just when they were at their Height features Danish groovsters, Gorilla Angreb.

Parting words on their Myspace page sum up the sad and sudden demise of this much loved punk band:

"GORILLA ANGREB IS DEAD!!!! Yes, Peter decided to quit as well after Mai left, so fuck it.... We're out of here."

Get it here